Bad Food aka things I’ll never make again

Yes, you read that right. I am not here to share a recipe today. Instead I thought we would laugh about failures. Food that sounded good enough to eat but in reality they either went straight in the trash or they were so bland you just couldn’t be bothered to fix the recipe.

There’s actually a 3 way tie for first place when it comes to horrid food that has come from my kitchen, and I have pictures of none of them.

  • never add canned spinach to a meat loaf. even the dog won’t eat it.
  • if you want broiled, stuffed mushrooms, go to a restaurant.
  • the first time you make a sugar free, grain free cheesecake adaptation from your regular recipe, make sure the video camera is running. the looks on their faces….

Of these 3 failures, the cheesecake is by far my favorite memory. The cheesecake itself was positively horrid. We had a friend over for dinner and a good time was had by all. Until dessert. He liked the apple pie <it was not sugar free>. He was ok with the pumpkin pie <it was sugar free and crustless>. He ate a huge bite of the cheesecake <but I didn’t notice> and he didn’t say a word. My hubby took a bite of the cheesecake, his eyes got huge and he shoved a napkin in front of his mouth as he ran for the front door. I never asked if he just spit it out or… you know. Our friend had taken a second bite to prove to me he had tasted it. He actually swallowed it and said it’s not so good. I tried it and ran to the kitchen to spit it out. I swear our friend has a cast iron constitution. He actually offered to finish his slice. I insisted on tossing the whole thing in the garbage. OMG that was disgusting. We drank lots of wine and laughed about it. We STILL laugh about that cheesecake. I’m still working on that recipe. It’s almost edible now πŸ˜‰

When I asked my hubby whats the worst low carb recipes we have tried, not counting the cheesecake, he immediately said the stuffed mushrooms. That doesn’t count since that was before I went low carb, but yeah they sucked almost a bad as the cheesecake.

We’ve had a lot of failures and tons of successes since I started carb counting. We absolutely loved eggplant parmesan. I made it like 4 times before I gave up. It never tasted the same way twice and it caused havoc with our digestive systems. I no longer buy eggplant.

We tried a LC pancake recipe from a friend and I loved it! Hubby did not so he gets regular pancakes instead. The LC pancake recipe does taste a bit eggy but since I love eggs on my pancakes I was ok with that, hubby does NOT like egg on a pancake so he hated it. He does agree however, that they make great handfood πŸ™‚

Have you ever tried to make a pizza crust from flax? Don’t. Just don’t. I almost broke a tooth on that one.

We’ve tried so many different bread and muffin recipes it’s not funny. Only a couple made it to my blog because most of them weren’t worth the time involved in making them. I hate to throw food out but some days you just have to.

Anything that I try with colleywobbles <you probably call them brussel sprouts> he refuses to try any longer. He just hates those things. Turns out I only like them lightly steamed and drenched with butter so those recipes were a bust.

Oven roasted asparagus is awesome but the cheesey asparagus is disgusting. What a waste of good asparagus. You’ll notice only the good recipe made it to my blog.

In all honesty, I’ve had tons more successes than failures when it comes to converting foods to low carb. Other than breads and desserts, going grain free and sugar free is pretty simple. You have to admit though, telling the stories of a really bad kitchen fail can be hilarious and way more fun at parties πŸ˜‰

What are some of your favorite food failure moments?

Have a happy!




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How do you like yours – Pancakes/Waffles – 2

IMG_20190216_194846_1My friend Jen gave me her recipe for waffles sometime last year. According to her it makes 5 waffles in a belgian waffle maker. I’ve tried it quite a few times but I don’t have a waffle iron so I make pancakes with it. Let me be real upfront with you, this tastes a bit eggy. My hubby doesn’t like it because he hates eggs with his pancakes, he prefers syrup. I, on the other hand, LOVE eggs with my pancakes instead of syrup. Since I had to give up toast to dip in my egg yolks, for me this is the perfect low carb pancake. Why is it perfect you ask? Because I don’t have to share πŸ˜€ BTW, I put the ingredients into fitday. NCS for the batch is 20.6 and I get 8 so that’s 2.6 ncs each. I can live with that.

Pancakes/Waffles – 1

8 oz cream cheese, warm and soft

4 large eggs

2 T coconut flour

1/2 C almond flour

1/2 tsp vanilla

3/4 tsp stevia = 2 T sugar

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/8 tsp salt

** TIP: This is actually a pretty simple recipe and I only consider it time consuming because the cream cheese needs to be super soft. You can always put it in the microwave for a little bit to soften it quicker. If you do be sure to use a really low setting on the microwave and cover it with wax paper. Cream cheese tends to blow up in the microwave if the setting is too high and/or the time is too long. Lesson learned the hard way.

IMG_20190216_192221Plop the cream cheese into a large mixing bowl to warm to room temp. Once the cheese is nice and soft preheat your griddle/pan/waffle iron. For pancakes you want your griddle to be slightly cooler than you would for regular pancakes but not by much. Add the eggs and vanilla then beat with a hand mixer on low until well blended. It should only take a few minutes. Now dump in the rest of the ingredients and mix it some more until it is well blended and smooth. If you see tiny bits of cream cheese <and I mean tiny> in the batter, don’t worry because that is normal. If that kind of thing offends you then start by adding the dry ingredients to the warm cheese first. It doesn’t matter which way you do it. This is a rather forgiving recipe.IMG_20190216_192716

Cook them just like you would regular pancakes. I like to butter my griddle for pancakes since they go so well with butter. My griddle is small and the spoon I use to measure out the batter holds 1/4 C so I get 8 pancakes from this recipe. They will be slightly darker than a regular pancake but they should not look burnt. They also don’t try to stick to my griddle as badly as regular pancakes. There is nothing more annoying than having your pancake stick to the griddle and coming off in chunks. Burnt chunks. It’s the little things that make me happy πŸ˜‰


IMG_20190216_193917For those of you who have no idea how to cook pancakes, stare at the griddle as they cook. See how the batter bubbles? When the bubbles pop, the uncooked batter runs in and fills them up? You’ll know it’s time to flip them when at least 3 of the bubbles stay wide open after they pop. Once you flip them they only take another minute to finish cooking. Serve hot. If you are using a gas stove you want the flame to almost barely touch the bottom of the griddle. If you’re using an electric stove, you’ll have to ask someone else. Now go practice πŸ˜‰


Be sure to butter them well before topping with eggs or adding syrup if that’s how you roll. I wouldn’t try topping them with fruit compote due to the egginess of the pancake, but that’s your call. I love having the option of pancakes & eggs. Did I mention they freeze pretty well too?!

Have a happy!

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Brrrrr! Who wants chocolate? – Cocoa – 2

IMG_20190131_164527I know. I’m a day late but at least I’m not a dollar short πŸ˜‰

Is everyone enjoying their winter? Well, those in the northern hemisphere anyway. Living in the southern portion of the USA I don’t get much snow nor do I get it very often. I miss that. I spent most of my growing up years in the northern part of the USA. They are certainly getting some snow up there this year!

I may not get enough snow but I still get cold down here and I need my cocoa. Or as I call it, faux-coa. Yes, I had to give it a name since my hubby still drinks the real stuff. He can’t mix almond milk and chocolate without getting a migraine so I make, and keep, a big jar of my powdered cocoa mix in the fridge year round. It’s not low carb which is probably why he likes it so much lol.

Since today also happens to be valentines day I figured anything chocolate would work πŸ˜‰

Cocoa – 1

1 C unsweetened almond milk

almost boiling water

1 Tbsp dark cocoa powder

10 drops vanilla

2 tabs saccharin = 4 tsp sugar

3 drops liquid stevia

IMG_20190131_170444I make this in a 16 ounce cup so if your cup is smaller then adjust accordingly. This really only takes a minute to put together. First put some water on to boil then gather your cup, ingredients and a long spoon. Dump the dry ingredients in the cup. When the water is almost boiling, pour about an inch into the cup. Stir until the chocolate is dissolved. I use Hershey’s Special Dark 100% Cacao. I used to use their regular cocoa powder but it doesn’t dissolve as well. I hate grit in my cocoa don’t you? The dark chocolate is also much richer and tastes more chocolaty. More chocolate flavor is pretty much always a good thing to me.


IMG_20190131_170714Once the chocolate is dissolved add the almond milk and stir again. Next add the vanilla and liquid sweetener if you use one. The vanilla will lose some of it’s flavor if you add it to something too hot so I’m always sure to add it after the milk. As for liquid sweeteners? I learned the hard way that if you add them to the dry ingredients you just get lumps that refuse to dissolve and lumps in my cocoa is never a good thing. I use Sweetleaf brand Sweet Drops. It has no sugar equivalent on the label and a serving size is one squirt which is why I put it in a dropper bottle instead. I also keep some vanilla in a dropper bottle as I love to add it to my coffee. I’m not a sugar free syrup kind of person.

Oh right, the last step. Top off the cup with more hot water and stir one last time. If the almond milk cooled it too much <which it almost always does> then pop it in the microwave for a bit until the temp pleases you. I do it for 1 minute at power 8. Drink up, stay warm and stay safe.

Have a happy!


Posted in Drinks, Low Carb, Phase 2, Recipes, Vegan | Tagged | Leave a comment

Seasoned Butter – 1

IMG_20190125_191629You think I’ve gone nuts don’t you? Since low carbers aren’t supposed to eat breads, why do I want seasoned butter? Seasoned butter has way more uses than just to fancy up your bread!

I like to keep seasoned butter on hand because I never know when I will want to give my food a little tweak. Sometimes I drop a glop in the pan before I cook hamburgers. Pan frying a steak in garlic butter is awesome. You can melt some on your usual veges to perk them up. Then there’s my favorite, turning a regular MIM into a savory one.

My son taught me how to do this several years ago. I wish I had known about this decades ago. For such a small, simple thing it sure is useful. My knife skills may suck but I make a mean butter πŸ˜‰

Seasoned Butter – 1

1 pound of butter/margarine/vegan spread

1 Tbsp minced garlic

1 Tbsp dried basil

Yup, this is another one for the lazy cook.

  • put all the ingredients into a bowl and cover with plastic wrap
  • when the butter is soft, mix everything really well
  • scoop into a covered container. use within 2 weeks.

Pretty darn simple huh. You can use just about any mix of seasonings you prefer. The garlic & basil combo is the most commonly used at my house.

IMG_20190125_151429 IMG_20190125_163717

If you want to do a smaller batch you can do this with just one stick of butter and make it in a ziplock the way my son did. Since I wash and reuse my ziplocks I prefer to use a bowl. One stick is also never enough. I have to make this stuff constantly!

I would love to hear about some of the other seasoning choices you use in your butter πŸ™‚

Have a happy!

Posted in Cooking Tips, Low Carb, Phase 1, Recipes, Seasonings & Sauces, Vegan | Tagged | Leave a comment

Cheers for Daikon – Hash – 1

I’m not big on breakfast, never have been. My body just does not like to eat first thing in the mornings. Yes, sometimes I have a MIM with my coffee but not that often any more. I still like MIM’s, I just don’t eat them every day now. When I have what most would call traditional breakfast foods, it’s always for lunch or dinner. Scrambled eggs with sausage is one of my favorites for lunch. Eggs for dinner almost always equals an omelette for me. I love my omelettes. With american cheese in them. No veges, just cheese. On occasion I’ll add some turkey spam or turkey bacon to mix things up. Veges and eggs are just not a fun combo to me. At least I used to feel that way.

Then I bought some daikon. Turns out the giant japanese radish is pretty versatile and kinda tasty when you cook it right. It sort of looks like a giant white carrot but it’s not. It’s considered a radish. I hate radishes. Daikon does not taste like a radish to me, though it has a distinct flavor. It also takes a long time to cook so I learned to half cook it in the microwave first. Wait, I’m digressing again.

I used to love corned beef hash from a can. I never bothered to make my own since hubby doesn’t care for it and corned beef is expensive. Once I discovered daikon I decided to try and make my own low carb cheap version of hash. I love it, hubby loves it. Win, win πŸ˜€

Hash – 1

10-12 inches of daikon

3 or 4 mushrooms

6 strips turkey bacon <you can use pork if you prefer>

1 handful diced onions


First you need to dimg_20160418_164711o the prep work. Peel the daikonΒ  then chunk it up in small pieces. Next I put it in a microwave safe dish, cover it with waxed paper and nuke it on power 8 for 5 – 10 minutes, until it’s just starting to soften a bit. While the daikon is in the microwave I dice up my mushrooms and my turkey bacon. I don’t need to dice the onions since I buy those precut and frozen.

img_20161210_125558Now that the daikon is half cooked get out a skillet, add a couple tablespoons of butter and melt it over a medium heat. Daikon, like turnips, will scorch if the heat is too high so pay attention while you make this. Once the butter is melted toss in the daikon. If you didn’t half cook the daikon first then it could take up to 20 minutes to slowly cook the daikon without scorching it. Stir often.

img_20161210_133333Spread the mushroom bits over the daikon, then the bacon and top with the onion. If you are using pork bacon you want to cook it BEFORE you add it to the hash as it takes longer to cook the pork to safety. I use turkey bacon which is technically already cooked so I just need it to heat. Stir often so nothing burns until the onions and mushrooms are lightly sautΓ©ed. The daikon should still be kind of firm but not in the least bit crunchy.

That’s it. You can now serve img_20161029_131729it as a side or add it to your omelettes with some shredded cheddar. If I am feeling real hungry I have it as both. This stuff freezes fantastically, just portion it up first. I use those small snack sized ziplocks for individual servings. By individual, I mean omelette sized. I finally found a way to have veges in my omelettes and I like it!


Have a happy!


Posted in Low Carb, Meats, Phase 1, Recipes, Veges | Tagged , | Leave a comment